No cliches, just changes.

...today is new...

and so am I.

So many of my endeavors are short-lived, by now fault of their own. Usually they are thwarted early on by my unrelenting capacity for self-sabotage. 

I have succeeded in things before, usually the kind of things one outside my brain would see as arbitrary or even meager, but that is not a judgement for me to make. 

I am here to start new. If feels so cliche, I can't lie, but my theory is that if I jump on a wave of good intentions with everyone else while the worlds spirits are high, my own good energy will be bolstered and it just might be enough to give me the momentum I need. And I need it. 

I am giving myself back to myself this year. I want the whole me back. I have felt good before, I know what it is like to take care of every aspect of my life, and it is hard, but I need to do it. I need to start now. I am committing to a practice, a new way of life. I am incorporating all of the bits I have gathered along the way and adding in the new. I am committing to the light in me, to burn brighter, give more, care more, care less, and make all the things I want to happen, happen. Starting with square one:
my mind.

It is an unruly beast. My biggest rival, my strongest ally, my toughest critic, my only true support, my source of strength, and it needs a good lashing, some strong discipline, and some quiet time. Taming this beast will be my most daunting task, because it dictates the trajectory of all my subsequent goals. Rein in the beast and it will make all things possible. For this I will need yoga. To commit to a practice of yoga in every facet of my life. to live it. 

while I crack the proverbial whip at my cerebral cortex, I will work to improve the other aspects of my being in tandem with my mental progress...

my body.

yes. you knew it was coming. no I am not happy with how it feels. yes I am more at peace with my appearance than in past years, but I have not served it well. It does not deserve the abuse I inflict. I am tired. I don't sleep well. I am angry and irritable almost all the time. I feel emotionally drained and frantic. Anxiety is a hideous urchin that is stuck in my craw-ew. All of this can be changed. It starts with my mind. I have already made the conscious decision to change my mind, to make more mindful choices with regard to food, company, and activities. I am choosing to wipe my slate clean, and my plate along with it. I start with the whole30...I'll post a link at the bottom with some other resources. 30 days of being real with food, so I can reset my physical body and break old habits, and replace them with healthy, mindful ones. REAL food= real sustenance. No more feeling like garbage if I don't put garbage in my mouth.

next comes..

my spirit.

I've said it before, yes, but this time I want it. I've watched myself for the past few years hang on to fragments of my spirit by their last remaining brittle hairs, namely my creativity, and my passion for making art. That flame is barely a smoldering ember anymore and it used to be such a profound part of my character. all of these things I want to work on feed into one another. and all of it ends up here. at the core of what I am...a creative being. taking care of myself means starting at a physical level, thereby improving my physical capacity for change on a mental level, thereby affording me the energy and fire to rebuild myself. to do what I love, to create art, good food, positive thoughts and energy, well, it creates a reality for me and those closest to me that is full of vibrancy. I am at the core of my experience, and if I CHOOSE to let my own ember poop out....well, it doesn't look good for all the other facets of my life. So today, right now, and every moment hereafter, I am choosing to stoke my own fire, I am choosing to be a brighter light for myself first, so I can be at my best for those I love. I am choosing right now to be present in my life. I am writing here to share with everyone, because if this is all trapped in my mind I am accountable only to me, and right now, while I am not at my strongest, I need support. I want to share my journey to a better place, so I will do that here. 

.day 1. Jan. 1, 2014.

I drank champagne last night and loved it. 

but today i do not. that was it. NO more alcohol. It does not serve me well. I do not like it. I do not like the way I feel or act when I consume it. I am leaving it. There. Donezo.

I drank 2 large glasses of clean spring water when I woke up...

then had some plain coffee- organic fair trade. 

watched some tv, realized that more often than not, tv feeds my irritation and only distracts me from what I would really enjoy doing but I fear turning it off for some reason...like I don't want to miss anything. Well I DO want to miss all that shit. I'm over it. I will watch tv when I can choose a show, and focus. No more noise. there is enough of that in everyday life. So I came here to write. Imagine my surprise when I couldn't stop writing. I feel better already. Anxiety is lower, I am calm. my lesson here=tv is garbage. no more pollution allowed (unless it is some nerdy nat geo documentary or some other such business...like Breaking Bad;)

played in the snow with my muffin while Huz shoveled. Fantastic. Pictures are always on fb, but I will work on putting some up here too. 

Next order of business for the day:
small size exercise+yoga

reading

organize something on my list (which goes on FOREVER)

...and begin an art project. I have to start somewhere, so I will just start:)

for now....I am leaving. 

What you believe, you create...so I must go.

oh. here is the link to the nutrition guide I will follow for at least the next 30 days:
http://whole30.com/new/
thanks to those who put work in everyday to make things like this available.

Spring Freshness is in the Air!!!

HELLO WORLD! 

While I have not been here in a liiiiiiittttttlllllleeeee while, it has not been without reason. 

In my absence from my blog, I've been a bit absent from myself from time to time. As I jump on and off my little picketed fence I've arrived at a new intention as close to center as possible. It is a revised version of my old. To use a contradiction of terms it is both new and ultimately improved:) After all nothing in life is new, or permanent but only transformed sometimes for better and sometimes for worse depending on one's perspective. For me, this is improved, and that means I've made progress.

I feel the need to serve this blog and all it's observers both past, present, and potential, with purpose statement. Not a mission, for missions carry a certain expectation. This blog will serve a purpose for all involved and if it does not, that is ok. Not everything works for everyone.

My purpose here is to serve. To serve is vague but it carries with it a vast meaning. To serve is to share, not to preach. To teach so that I may know, and ultimately to be. 

As you may know, or not, I strive to learn and teach yoga. This means practicing yoga through every facet of my existence. I began this journey at the age of 14, but walked with foggy lenses down a path, following almost solely by sensation rather than sight. My intuition has led me well, for in the last two years not only have my shades become frosted, thawed, dusted, drenched, and fogged again they've steadily cleared, and transitioned from gray to rose. At this moment I have a sense of clarity and wellbeing that is palpable. I want to share this with all who might share, seek or aspire toward a similar sense. 

As a duty to my practice, my self, and those whom I love this will be a channel through which I intend to share experiences, hurdles and how I overcome them, hope, happiness, health, and LOVE!!!

MY INTENTION IS TO, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT, SHARE, NEVER PREACH, AND ALWAYS SERVE.

With this being said, here is to health, happiness, sadness, joy, pain, and the harmony of it all. May we enjoy every moment together...for there is only now

Much love, abundance, and gratitude to all. 

ENJOY NOW!!!

A Note on Insomnia

It is back. And what better time to reflect than in the still of early morning.

The Mobiles

Anyone who knows me may tell you I'm artistic, or creative...

This may or may not be true to some but I've been working on making it true all my life.

Having always been an avid painter and lover of drawing the human form,

I find myself at a loss lately. When I found I was pregnant last year

I packed up the toxic hobby of oil painting and got bored, sadly, with figure drawing...

Then I found a stick.

Thats right. A stick. On my walk to work through our neighborhood in Chicago I had a spark of inspiration an carried a stick back home.

From there I began toying with the idea of making something three dimensional but not too serious...just a silly playful something. So a year and a cross-state-lines move later the stick, still in tact although now bound to another stick of inspiration lay unfinished and challenging. 

Now, that project was finished a mere three weeks before my baby came. That is well after the months before when I decided it must be something for her room. True to form, I managed to tie up the loose ends with moments to spare.

I have since been blessed with many new ideas for similar projects, and have made another, albeit much smaller one. I love these little things and hopefully my baby does too!!

Yay!! She does:)

B. The story of an alliteration.

Beautiful blueberries, bananas, and blackberries, frozen and pureed with juice and greens. Topped with raw honey and sliced bananas. Served in a bowl. Yum <3

The honey gets firm and gooey when its on the frozen berries...such a nice way to start the day!!

Maiden Blogging Voyage: Vol. 2

Hello, after a long hiatus! Wow. What a struggle Blogspot. After neglecting my blogging since my third post ten months ago...sad I know, I attempted this evening with much enthusiasm to reinstate the blogging conviction. Apparently, after much trouble finding and not much shooting, I was told at google blogs/help that my sad little blog had been dubbed a false positive in their automated spam seeking mechanism. So. The blog formerly known as "Poppies In Her Hand"by me is now, get ready: "Poppies In Her Hands" by me:)

Fast forward ten months- I've missed many an opportunity to write about all the amazing adventures I've had, at least here anyway...but with renewed vigor, you shall hear of an undoubted plethora of new goings-on from me and my lovely little family! I am now the proud Mother Hen of a little Chicken named Violet...what an indescribably beautiful life-changer that is. Also, I am due to graduate in March with a Yoga Alliance Certificate that will allow me to fulfill my dream of spreading the wealth of yoga knowledge and acquiring at least the much more. I could not be more excited for what is right now, and what is to come. Here's to a new year, with oh so many possibilities for health, happiness and growth.

Remembering the first blog...oh how things have changed:)

The maiden blogging voyage...

I always think I'd like to start small. Baby steps as the cliche goes.

Every baby step I take seems to be through another open door to a new adventure. I'm getting the message that maybe my life shouldn't fit a mold, shouldn't be so calculated, or so controlled. Maybe it should be carefully navigated, but completely honest, entirely embraced and inoculated with all the joy and pain I stumble upon.

I start a new journey everyday, and so far it has taught me that nothing can be expected or foretold, but only gracefully endured, confronted, embraced, or abandoned.

I think now that I want it all. Whether the beginning is small, timid, and scant, or boisterous, rowdy, and intimidating, I'll take it all.

The shining irony here is that after a whirlwind of two beautiful years, I've done anything but live timidly, and after this spring I will start small, with a tiny, fragile human that has already become the biggest thing in my life. A true testament, as it were, to the love I've known in my short life. I can't wait for the day we meet our little creation, our little 'us'.